Tally the grocer robot & Satellite by harry styles

Me n my brother were super high the first time we stumbled into our grocery store’s automated robot. I remember exclaiming, a little too loudly, “O my god, look!!! It’s … Tally omg.” She whirled & twirled around, responding with a sweet lil digital mbeedoooo. It was certainly the marijuana, but I couldn’t contain my literal and genuine giddy. We passed thru the aisles grabbing whatever, but stayed peering around each corner. I remember how we excitedly brought the news home to our older brother, but he seemed more entertained about our reaction than the news itself hahahahh awe

I am not sure if it was the motion sensor or what, but all my “Hello Tally!”s since were met with the same lil chirp. 

There is something about our relationship with ‘robots’ and the such that tugs at my chest. Hm. They are simply here, because we (or somebody, whatever) put them there. You know? It reminds me of the shared feelings me n my peers had abt those lil iRobot dogs from like 20 years ago. Precious and sweet and exciting and new. An adjective to use in retrospect would b ‘maternal.’ (kinda an online ass word now lololol) When I use like a voice activated thing like Siri or Alexa, I find myself saying thankyou, and too often I have heard, “Dude you dont have to say thank you to it.” It is strange.  Like I know ! But don’t you feel that you should? Ought to?

…

‘Satelite’ by Harry Styles, while a radio hit and yada yada, really became a song for me by my third or fourth listen. I think mainly bc it reminded me so much of his first album, which I listened to on repeaaaaat while a sad and aging teenager lolol. I grew up listening to & loving One Direction (tho I am a fake ass fan, only know their first 2 albums bc those were the only ones I had on CD HAHAH) and I think this being the first solo album I listened to made me rlly reflect on the whole “dam, time passes and things change and all I can do is experience it.” I had a habit of putting a CD in my car and listening to it for quite literally weeks at a time on repeat, and this album was one of those.

All to say, this song in 2022 ultimately brought me back to 2017. It gnawed an ache that I could not place. Of course the lyrics, the melancholy sound, his voice all culminated to a ‘sad’-ish song, one of longing or something of the sort. Of course. But it didn’t feel like a simple sad poppy ballad. [Generally, anyway, it’s not the lyrics of music that make me feel. Lyrics feel secondary for me as a listener; to be honest when I added the song to my “why is this sheit making me cry???” playlist I don’t think I even considered the words.] But it was the sounds and the pulls and the swells, reminding me of a time that reminded me of time passed. And it made me ache.

I finally watched the music vidoe tonite. I forget how much I love music videos! I love to b reminded. The video was precious. Whoever is Harry’s creative director has done an amaaaazing job curating his whole vibe, dude, like seriously. Like this particular vidoe for this particular song was just soooo Harry Styles! Haha.

But like, why I cried ?? Haha jk. But I did tear up for real. The song sounds so ‘something just out of reach,’ and the music video is such a visual telling of the song. (idk sometimes music vidoes are lowk not even related to the song) ((and obvi that was the goal of the song and te video and blah blah ! but sometimes it’s nice to just rlly appreciate something as silly as a harry styles music video) Fr tho like, who wasn’t a nerd in 6th grade and getting upset thinking about the Curiosity rover being sung happy birthday all alone??? lolz XD I think also, tho, watching this video, loving it and wanting to talk abt it, I was reminded of the person I would want to share this with. And that person isn’t rlly in my life anymore. Another reminder of things passed and no longer mine to access. Listening to the lyrics, like it’s not even a beat-for-beat situation I can relate to. But it’s the entirety of the emotion the song conveys. It is sad, and feels sad.

I love crying and feeling and allowing myself the option to emote. Haha! I am a deeply emotional creature, and that aspect of myself is something I have come to accept and, honestly, something I enjoy. I think ppl should b more emotional. Not reactive, but thoughtful. Allow themselves to feel and express and mull.

Dang I think Im gonna get back into watching music videos. I like chewing on things for a while.

Don’t think I care for the rest of this album tho.

Well, ok no, that being my initial react, I actually think: it is a fun listen. But not a CD I could leave on repeat for a month.